Here Goes Nothing
by InfalliblyUnfocused
Summary: I hate her at times, as I always have. She’s just too bloody damn well, perfect.' OneShot.


**Disclaimer: i own my mildly interesting imagination, nothing more, nothing less.**

**Rating: T, cuz I can. **

**Here Goes Nothing**

There it was again, that damn door slamming. How many times have I heard it this week? Too many times a bloody day for me to even keep track, I wouldn't bother to keep track anyways. She always comes back, she always apologizes, she always makes it up to me.

She's just such a fucking smart ass, ignorant, I know everything, you are wrong, stuck up bitch. It's almost like she thinks she's the bloody Queen of England or something, honestly.

'Women' I mutter into the cold darkness. I take a deep breath, I love it outside. I've always been drawn to the night, to the air, to the wind. It was like my one calling in life, it was forever drawing and pulling at me. And she never understood that, she never would understand that. She'll never understand me.

I growl and pitch my glass of scotch across the room, 'bloody damn woman'. I hate her at times, as I always have. She's just too bloody damn well, perfect. She's perfect in every fucking way, and I can't help but want her. I love her I tell her that but only; with the lights off, in the dark, in the middle of sex, when we are completely and utterly alone. She never brings it up, she's too smart for that. She'll know I will only make an excuse about all the blood rushing from my head, not allowing my brain to function to it's full and proper potential.

But, it would be a lie. I do bloody well love the woman with everything a person such as myself and with the path I used to travel down, could love someone more specifically someone like her. She's everything I'm not, and everything I've always hated. She's the epitome of everything that has been banished, beaten, torn, shoved out of, ripped up, well you get the point… out of my mind. There was just never any room for someone such as her, in the mind of someone, well someone like me.

I am horrible, I am cruel. Purposely so also, how she could even still be with me, after all these years of unspoken commitment, of torture and pain. All the tears I've seen her cry, I'm sure could fill about 10 black lakes, and have some left over. All the tears I've made her cry, well those are about the same amount. She used to yell at me, I liked it better when she yelled at me, raised her voice, threw things at me. The way her eyes light up, and her breath became ragged, it used to just turn me on. Now, she cries, and I can't deal with crying, screaming, hormonal and weak females. They aren't my forte, and frankly I haven't the time for her games of tears and such.

It's all just a ploy, to get whatever it is she wants. And I crumble most of the time, I crash and burn and fall down hard almost always. She's got me so wrapped up in her that I don't even know what it is I've actually agreed to more than half the time. She's managed to efficiently lock herself in place in my life, in my business, in my home, and more specifically she's thoroughly lodged within the deep confines of my cold heart.

And slowly but surely, that bloody woman has begun to warm it, with her softness, her willingness, her forgiving nature. The immense trust, admiration, adoration, and love I see in those big brown eyes of her, are enough to drop me to my knees. She's everything I've never wanted, yet everything I will forever need.

And what's worse? What could be worse, it seems simple doesn't it. I love her, she loves me, happily ever after right? Wrong! Oh so wrong, we are so wrong for each other in every single way. I am no good for her, I make her cry, and I hurt her all the time. I'm not gentle like she needs, I'm not loving and romantic, I forget our anniversaries, I forget all those special days. I hate her friends, yes I do enjoy their male companionship, and there never failing ability to tear me away from anything. But I still hate them, for everything they stand for, because it is against everything I stand for.

No, that's wrong. I don't stand in the same places I once stood. I stand behind them, next to them, I'd stand in front of them if harm was headed toward them. Those men have become the brothers I always wanted, but that is another thing I will never admit in the day light, where people can hear me. I just can't pull myself out of the past, my thoughts often travel back to the things I have seen and the things I have done. Back then, I was the worst bastard you could come across.

I was harsh, cruel, hateful, and spiteful. I threw any flaws anyone had against them, I even threw the good things about them in their faces. I shoved the kids younger and smaller than me around. I made girls fall in love with me, just so I could watch their hearts break within my hands. I was sadistic, I was narcissist, and I was the baddest bastard around town. Well, maybe there were three people worse than me. But, they were three men I held very close conference with. One man, the most evil and deceitful man around, my father. The worst company you'd ever keep, would be found in his presence. Another man, a man more sadistic than myself, my godfather. And lastly, the only man to be able to invoke a massive amount of fear in people, the mere voicing of his name often caused people to quack, the dark lord himself.

But, if you scratch of those three men, which now you could. Seeing as all three of them were now incapacitated, well even more so I guess, they were all dead. But, don't worry. I didn't shed a tear over their very unfortunate departure from this planet. I was glad, so glad to be rid of their incessant badgering, poking, prodding. I was so glad, that I could finally come out with everything in my life, and stop lying to everyone.

That didn't go over too well, not many people took too kindly to being told that a Malfoy was one of the biggest factors into the death of many Death Eaters, the capture of the rest or any related wizards, and the down fall of the Darkest Wizard in history. No, I wouldn't say that went over too well at all, as a matter of fact, I was threatened daily, booed, beaten, and broken. I had nothing, I had no one. They stole my wand, they broke into my home, they made my life a living hell.

That was until she stepped in, but it was nearly too late. I was already a sad, broken man, left alone in the cold darkness for far too long. I was stupid to think I could ever find my way out into the light, long enough to stay that is. But, Harry the Hero, was there. As he always seemed to be, at the worst of all times. And he was there, because she had begged him to come. And I was still alive, because he had been there and she had been so bent on worrying about measly me.

Harry bloody Potter had saved my life, and cleared the vision of every witch and wizard in the entire world I would think. With his presence in my house, with his hand on my shoulder, and his glare at all those crazed people determined to end the worthlessness that was me. He saved my life, like the bloody savior he is. But, I found I wasn't bitter, I wasn't angry, I wasn't relieved, I wasn't happy. I merely was, I was an empty vat, and I was completely lost and broken.

But she saved me, she always had, and she always would. These past 10 years have been the best, worst, hardest, easiest, most amazingly painful years of my entire life. I was 28 now, no longer the young foolish man I had once been. But the past continues to haunt me, I can't run fast enough away from it sometimes. She's always there though, to save me. I can't believe it's taken me this long to finally realize that she always would save me, that she's never leaving. And I can't believe she stuck around with my stupidity for this long. She has deserved so much more than I've ever given her over these years.

I turned and looked through the glass door, into the bedroom that was mine, but had her written so easily all over it. Her pink sweater from yesterday laid over the back of my desk chair, one of her many hair brushes was on top of my dresser. If I walked to the bed, I would smell her easily. She was there, writing herself into my life so easily, almost too easily. I don't know why I hadn't realized what she was doing. She really wasn't going to leave me, I hadn't failed at life, I wasn't a bastard anymore, and I had people that cared about me.

It was about time I started showing them, I care about them too. And it would start with Harry bloody Potter, which was where she was right now. Celebrating Ginerva Weasley, no Ginny Potter's 27th birthday. The party that I had refused to go to, the party that everyone had asked me to come to, the party I had seen as a trap, that party that had caused the huge fight, the tears and then the slamming door. The party that I needed to be at, that I should be at, that I belonged at. And for the first time, I finally felt that. That sense of belonging and it was with all the people at that party.

I squared my shoulders, and walked with a determined swagger to the fireplace. I fiddled with the small box in the pocket of my jacket for a minute, before taking it out to look at it one last time. I opened the small box, this was going to be the best and hardest night of my life. I haven't laid eyes upon this ring, since the day of my mother's funeral. It was the ring given to her, not by my father that had been burned and destroyed and thrown into the ocean. No, this ring was given to her by her great-grandmother, who seemed to notice the good under everything my mother had piled on top of it. The one woman who without fail, had always believed in my mother and the goodness she truly held within her heart.

I smiled, and wiped the tear that had snuck from my eye, to cascade slowly down my cheek. I sighed and closed the box again, I slide the box into my pocket. I yelled out 'Potter Manor', and was engulfed in a swirl of green light. I had two things on my mind, find Potter, then convince the beautiful and intelligent woman that I am in love with, to marry me. Forever changing her name from Hermione Granger, to Mrs. Hermione Malfoy.

I couldn't hide the smirk that flitted across my face as I entered into the Potter's living room. I looked around, seeing many people I knew, and a couple I recognized but couldn't put a face too. I was too busy looking for Harry that I didn't see the flash of red thrown at me. Of course that flash of red was attached to a person, a person who had become very close to me, and who I adored greatly.

"Hey Red," I said softly hugging her to me and kissing the top of her head.

"Hey you big jerk." She returned, hitting my arm softly and then letting go of me stepping back to look up at me skeptically. "Mione said you weren't coming…" She trailed off quietly.

"I couldn't miss my favorite little girls birthday now could I?" I smiled at the way her eyes narrowed, and then softened. She tilted her head back and laughed.

"Yeah, yeah big jokester you are." She smiled and then her eyes darted around the room, then fell back upon my face. I instantly noticed that look, the look that she wanted to tell me something, but wasn't sure if she should.

"Red.." I started, and she knew I knew, I could see it instantly. She knew I could read her far too well, it was one of the reasons me and her were so close. Though we had fallen apart a little more recently, I had pulled away, much to her dismay.

"I just, Mione seemed really upset earlier. And I don't mean her normal angry upset. I mean sad Draco, sad and distant."

Ginny Weasley, now Potter had always been able to read people, and their emotions without much trouble at all. I looked around the room, hoping to see Hermione, I didn't see her anywhere. I didn't see Potter either.

"She's talking with Harry." Ginny informed me. I nodded, not saying a word. "They are up in the study." I nodded again. She hugged me tightly again, knowing I needed it. I pulled out the ring at that moment, and showed Ginny.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me Red. I love her, and I don't know why she can't seem to realize that or see that. I've never stuck with anyone for this long in my entire life. She has become my life, etched herself into my house, my bed, my heart, my life. She's just there, and I couldn't manage without her. I love her with everything I have, and more, I didn't even know I ever possessed the ability to love this much." Ginny nodded and looked at the ring; a simple silver band, with an emerald in the middle and two diamonds on each side.

"I know Draco. I know." She smiled and handed the small box back to me. I returned it to my book and rubbed the back of my neck. "Go to them Dragon boy."

I sighed and nodded, slipping along the wall and out of the over packed living room. I made the short walk up the stairs and down the hall. I opened the door, the last string to holding any emotions back again, that final step towards the real me. This is what I've always wanted, what I've dreamed of, what I've searched for, and never thought I could get.

I push the door open, and two sets of eyes turn to me, one brown filled with tears, and one emerald filled with understanding. I take a deep breath, and walk into the room, closing the door softly behind me.

Here goes nothing.


End file.
